All of my friend’s old problems are somehow finding their way to my doorstep, and I’m not so invulnerable as I like to appear. I’m still a real person, with real feelings, and those feelings have been hurt.
If you cut me, do I not bleed? If you wound me, do I not cry? I’m not merely software; I’m not a digital presence for you to heckle and prod. There is a real person on the other end of your chat, and she’s a fragile person in the end.
I try to be strong. I try to live by the gods’ examples. I try to honor even those who would be my enemies for reasons I don’t understand at all. But it is HARD. It’s so fucking hard to be strong. I want nothing more than to lash out and burn it all when I’m in a mood like this; but I can’t do that. I can’t even rp properly anymore; I’m burned out from all the work in real life and the tedium and hatred that thrive on the internet. I’m weak, and I’ve owned up to that, but I still can’t let it rule me. But what choice do I have when strength seems so out of reach?
Tonight, I’m seeking Vanafridr; and I pray fervently that she will show me to the path I need to take. Tonight, I’m lost and alone, and human companionship just won’t be enough. I need my goddess more than ever, and I know she won’t let me down.